I was staring into the air and thinking about c-sections. Yes, this is what I sometimes do when I get that look and drift off into that space in my head when my eyes go blurry. You know what I mean? Oh, you don’t? Oh. Oops. Okay. Scratch that then. But I was thinking about the women who actually choose to have a c-section. No, not you mama who had multiples. Not you either mom with the medical issue. Not you over there either, the one who had the last minute emergency. I’m talking about the women who look at their calendar around the time of their due date and say, let’s mark it in pen, Saturday the 21st is the best time since the week before I have that work party and the week after it’s supposed to rain.
And before anyone who had a c-section because they had to thinks this is about them, just know it isn’t. I am you. I had a c-section. In case you are reading me for time numero uno, let’s just say twins, preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome = cesarean.
So in my thinking about the mamas who PLAN their C, I wondered why. And then I compared it to popping a pimple.
You know how if you have a pimple and it doesn’t have a head yet but you really really really want to pop it and you tell yourself you are going to wait but you just can’t wait because surely underneath the redness is a whitehead waiting to purge itself all over your bathroom mirror? And then you try to pop it and it’s totally not ready and instead you end up with a huge red blistery thing that doesn’t give you the popping pimple satisfaction but instead bleeds and scabs? Well, scheduled c-sections could be something like that. Baby, like the yuck in your pimple, isn’t ready to come out and instead it’s forced out and it’s really not a good thing. Better to wait until baby/pimple is ready and it’s a much more satisfying experience for everyone.
Maybe it has to do with patience. I mean, who has it anymore? My husband sure doesn’t. It’s a lost art we should resurrect on the third day when he cometh again (whoops Catholic upbringings talking there). *Shakes it off* We would all be so much happier if we took the time to smell the roses. Because even Bret knows every rose has its thorn. So if you took the time to smell them and not rammed your face into the rose, you wouldn’t get pricked. You know, ’cause haste makes waste! (Barf! Cliches are lame but totally worked there!) Yet in this me-me-me-MEEEEE society we live in (generalizing) it makes sense that everything has to be about convenience and so a woman who decides she wants to have a c-section just to control the day she has her baby is really having a me-smecktion.
As a society, one way to scale back on non-emergency c-sections is to cure the haste of our society. Yeah. Good luck with that, right?
And try telling that to Dr. Rushy Rushy who works at Hospital Cut Me Up.
Maybe we shouldn’t put so much weight on a due date. It should be a time frame, not a date. And, we all need to slow it down, tigers. Baby is going to come when baby is ready! Baby can’t see our monthly planner.
I need to stop staring into the air and thinking about c-sections.
UPDATE: Whoops! I really didn’t want to upset anyone. And for some – heck most all – of you who commented, I really don’t feel like this is about you either, though you are making it about you. I am a c-section mama too, remember. And I love pregnant women and babies — all of you, even the ones throwing daggers at me. I care deeply about this topic because I feel too many of us are incorrectly informed at no fault of our own. I still got mad love for even the haters.
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Tags: c-section
Wow. Obsess much about stuff that’s really none of your g-d business?
Wow, so your reason for a c-section is legit, but you get to judge the reasons others might feel it’s right for them? Nice to see that sanctimommies are still blogging strong!
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Wow…could you possibly be more offensive or judgemental? Popping a zit is acceptable as a metaphor for having a c section now? I don’t know your situation, so I won’t JUDGE YOU, despite your premature judgement of MY choice to give birth via elective c section. But if you have ever gone through YEARS of fertility issues, being heartbroken every single month because yet again your body has failed you and your lost egg, if you have almost died in an ICU bed from a cycle of IVF, and are willing to do it again because you want a baby SO badly, and if you have then finally gotten pregnant only to spend the entire pregnancy with the thought in the back of your mind ‘when is my body going to fail next? Pregnancy? Labour? Delivery?’ then, and only then, will you have an idea of why I chose to have an elective c section. It wasn’t medically required, I didn’t have pre eclampsia, or a breech baby, or any other medical variation people against c sections sometimes deem ‘acceptable’ reasons. It was MY choice, as is legally available to me. And if a woman does elect for a c section because of timing, they could have a ‘valid’ reason (such as one of my friends, who’s mother was dying of terminal breast cancer and was able to meet her grand-daughter before passing away) or no reason at all. They could just not feel that pushing a baby through their vagina is the be-all and end-all of parenting. Why must you jump on the bandwagon to make them feel guilty? That is SO not cool.
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
I love it, Michele!
I’ll never understand why people take an extremely major abdominal surgery, which risks both them and their baby, lightly. As lightly as, well, popping a pimple, right? As you and I both know, there are DEFINITELY women out there thinking more about the party they want to attend than the actual health of their baby. It’s scary.
And I’m sorry, but imagine you had to have your appendix removed. It’s a laparoscopic surgery these days, yet you’d get “Get Well!” cards and people saying they hoped you felt better and would be worried about your surgery. So the idea that a much more major, risky surgery is seen as way LESS of an ordeal than that is just illogical… except it happens because it’s about birth, which is parenting, and in parenting, it’s still a struggle to get people to look past their own defensive walls. It’s so funny that even pure medical fact gets brushed off, and anyone who talks about it is called judgmental.
Well dang, medical fact also says eczema can be exacerbated by dairy product consumption. Does that make me a Dairy Nazi now? Nah. Because it’s not that much about parenting, so people don’t feel like fighting it. Sad really. I could use a funny fight today.
Christie recently posted..C-Section Me-Smecktion … Hey There’s Something to That!
Okay, I had an elective c-section, I planned it about 2 days in advance because I did not feel a VBAC was safe for my daughter.
Is it hurting you in some special way that I did this?
Are you crying yourself to sleep at night now?
Give me a fucking break.
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Jess – Choose a c-section after a previous C-section over a VBAC in my opinion counts as medical reason.
I had a planned/scheduled C-section -scheduled in december for an end of May birth. My doctor and I determined together that a VBAC wasn’t a good option. Ta-da – medically indicated.
This article did NOT offend me in the slightest, even though i had a scheduled c-section. it was humorous, an OPINION not a judgement, and was primarily going after the convenience surgeries. This does not discount those who have a valid reason for an elective scheduling, other than a party or just wanting a particular date. it *IS* still major surgery and the point I think she is making is that it is taken way too lightly these days. I think the folks who are speaking up so quickly about feeling judged are so busy judging themselves and feeling guilty (when there isn’t necessarily any guilt to be felt) that they have to attack someone else’s opinion.
Thanks for posting this, Michele! Impatience seems to be the virtue these days rather than patience.
To the moms who are having issues with this post, I hope i can help clear up: Yes there is a difference between a medically necessary c-section and one done for convenience. Elective [NOT emergency] cesareans, I feel, put the mother’s wishes before her health and that of her child’s. I had a cesarean. I hate it. Why did I have one? I was scared with the dead baby/meconium aspiration cards, and by the time I decided I didn’t need or want to be induced it was TOO LATE. If I had continued the pit, my son would have gone into distress.
This and the OPs reason for c-section are different from what she’s talking about. In the case of high risks pregnancies like pregnancy after years of infertility with other previous medical complications, transverse breech, toxemia, placental abruption… you know, medically necessary reason… this doesn’t pertain to you. Dates can be off by as much as 2 weeks after OR before, and even 1 week early can cause issues in a newborn. And cesareans that are not emergency pose more risks than don’t to both mother and baby. It is a *majorrrr abdominallll surgeryyyy.* It completely baffles me why a mother would choose to take these risks because she’s “tired of being pregnant” or because Christmas is right around the corner… You may not have had a cesarean for these reasons, but it happens all too often. It happens all too often with serious consequences. If you weren’t one of these moms, no need to be offended. No need to be offended period, I would think. :/
You know what I would find refreshing?
I’ll give you a hint: It’s not less elective c-sections in the world.
It’s a little more understanding, and a little less villianizing and judging.
Why does a woman deserve your scorn who had a surgery you would not have had? Sooo tired of this line of thinking. Maybe it’s time to focus your daydreaming time on something that will actually make a difference in the world.
Not to be judgey or anything. Oh, wait, I did mean to be judgey.
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
You know what makes a HUGE difference in the world? The health of it’s citizens. It is not villanizing to state that elective c-sections come with serious risks, and PATIENCE and a little less selfishness for some would go a long way towards making those fantastic changes for the better.
Or do you think that the ACOG and WHO are “judgey” because they agree that elective c-sections are a bad thing? Have you told them they villainize mothers when they BAN elective c-sections prior to 39 weeks because of how serious the risks can be?
I have two children, one born by c-section after a failed induction at exactly 40 weeks, and one born completely naturally at almost 42 weeks. I would give birth all naturally, without induction or surgery, a hundred times over having another c-section. In terms of recovery, lasting effects, health of my baby, BONDING with my baby, breastfeeding – waiting until my baby completed development and my body went into labor naturally made a world of difference in the whole experience.
This is even an option for moms who need to give birth by c-section. You CAN insist on waiting until labor starts naturally and then go to the hospital for your surgery. If labor goes so quickly that you don’t have time to get to the operating room (and it’s rare for things to happen that quickly!) then the worst that can happen is your baby will have a surprise natural birth. Women’s bodies have an amazing ability to realize when something is dangerous or wrong, and postpone labor for a little while if necessary.
Great post, Michele. I love the analogy, because believe me, for every woman I meet who truly needed her c-section I meet more who just don’t want to go through labor for whatever reason. Convenient for them, but not so for the baby who isn’t ready to be born yet. :-\
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What in the world do you know about health? Oh wait, are you about to tell me you are “educated” about c-sections? Give me a break. You’re a mommy blogger, not an MD.
Surgery has risks. So does homebirth. So does “patience” i.e. going postdates, refusing inductions “no matter what” — what about the risks of those?
I have not yet heard a story of a woman dying from a c-section. I’m sure they’re out there. But so, so rare. Babies dying due to stupid advice they took off the internet from a know-it-all mommy blogger? Hm… not so rare. I know of a few myself.
What you are doing is no different from women judging other women from getting an abortion, or choosing to bottle feed, or hell, getting breast implants. Get off your high horse of perfection — these are really non issues that only a priveledged white woman in a developed country would bother to “worry” about.
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
Who said anything about home birth? It’s so irritating that people automatically assume that every single person who talks about risks of non-necessary procedures in a hospital MUST be pushing home birth instead.
And yes, it is a first-world problem. Only in a country like ours would women choose to get a major surgery and brush it off like it’s nothing.
Christie recently posted..C-Section Me-Smecktion … Hey There’s Something to That!
Nice you feel superior enough to judge other women and their motives.
FYI: a scheduled repeat section is safer than one where labor has started. I figure that as I need to have a repeat section anyway, I might as well have her 2 days before her due date so that she, myself, and my beloved late grandfather have the same birthday anyway. My OB wants to deliver me in my 39th week, and she said any day that week was fine. NOTE: if my birthday didn’t happen to fall in my 39th week, I wouldn’t be having my baby that day. I am sure you will call me frivolous, but I very much am not, and am making the safest choice for both of us.
Very often surgeries are scheduled. I don’t understand your problem with making the section more predictable for EVERYONE involved by scheduling it within a safe time frame.
There is a difference between a medically indicated (i.e. safter to have c-section after previous one ) and scheduling it (like I did) than scheduling purely for convenience. Everyone seems to be missing that point. I scheduled my C-section MONTHS in advance because I knew I needed one. Once it’s medically indicated, sure pick your date… may as well. That’s not what the author is trying to get across though..
I think that consenting adults can submit themselves to all the elective surgeries they want, honestly. It’s the BABY I am concerned about, and unfortunately a lot of people seem to forget about what’s best for the BABY in the c-section debate. Unless there is a medical emergency, the best thing for the baby is to continue to grow and develop normally and get ready for birth until time runs out. And time does run out – it can feel like forever, but labor will start when the baby is developmentally ready to be born. There is pretty good evidence that labor starts when a hormone that signals lung maturity is released by the baby into the amniotic fluid.
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and what about those babies that go postdates and die in utero?
99% of moms that have scheduled csections do not do it because it is convenient, but because they care about the well being of their baby.
Christie,
My only point in mentioning homebirth is that if you’re going to obsess over something to do with birth that is dangerous which can actually make a big difference, why choose c-sections over other issues that are far more dangerous FOR THE BABY? You think you know what you know, but you really do not know what you do not know. Reading some articles and books does not make you an expert on c-sections or give you the ability to judge when they are right or wrong, or to assess the risks involved with them in each scenario. So please do us all a favor and just stop.
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
You’re really missing the point here. You do understand that she’s discussing c-sections that are NOT about health, right?
For someone so hell-bent on insisting I know nothing medically (which actually wasn’t the point of this entire post), you’re making a lot of unfounded medical claims yourself.
Oh, I find it funny that so many people are like zomg!!1! You judge! Yes. Elective sections are judged… by acog, by the march of dimes, by every. Single. Established. Legitimate group out there who have a baby’s best interest at heart. The judgement is in. And it is that elective csection is not the safest choice. Please point me to one single scientific shred of evidence that says a csection is the better choice over vaginal birth when there is NO reason. *crickets*
You want to schedule your section anyway? Be my guest! I don’t care. Because here’s a news flash. If YOU were truly comfortable with it, you wouldn’t need to defend it with such anger and no fact. Your responses show you are making a choice with your feelings, not with science. It is your choice. I just think its sad that the best you’ve got is “how dare you judge me” to defend your choice. When you can’t even fall back on a “I feel good about my choice, because x.” I find it sad when you can’t consider the mountain of evidence that says be cautious of sections unless you need one.
I also find it interesting homebirth was brought up. Seems that someone has an agenda. Hey, let’s not talk about people talking on their cell phones while driving killing people. Drunk driving kills more people. Let’s ignore this other hazard. Seriously, okay, I’m not sure what the evidence is on homebirth, probably because obs don’t usually try to push it on you. But I do know my ob was very blunt about avoiding sections as they carried risks most women didn’t like to think about.
Glad we have them for when needed. Just not sure when this attitude of meh, just cut the baby out popped up.
Sara – Since I was the only one who had mentioned infertility I’m assuming my comment lead you to include ‘high risks pregnancies like pregnancy after years of infertility with other previous medical complications’ in your list of acceptable medical reasons. I would just like to clarify that in no way was my pregnancy ‘high risk’ and I do not want my choice of an ELECTIVE c section validated by judgemental people trying to rationalise it so they can accept my choice. I had my CS for reasons the NCB community most probably considers selfish and I stand by that 100%. Just wanted to reiterate that, thanks
The rest of you ‘I’m angry because you had a c section and I don’t approve even though you don’t give a shit about my opinion since I don’t know you’ people…here’s a little pearl for you…are you ready??? Here it is…some women just don’t want THEIR bodies to experience labour. Some women want to have the baby removed from their bodies via a routine surgery, and get on with the ACTUAL important job of RAISING the child. Some people have fantastic medical advice and monitoring, and schedule the CS based on the baby’s development. Some women recover from their surgery within a matter of hours, need nothing but paracetamol after the first day, start skin to skin and breastfeeding immediately after the baby is born, and bond with their baby beautifully. Some women (and this one’s for you, Ginger) are COMPLETELY happy with their decision, and the anger in their response is not coming from guilt, but from annoyance at the arrogance that they encounter from people who equate vaginal birth with superiority. Trust me, if we thought this argument was worth our spruking ‘facts’ backing up our decisions, we’d link the crap out of you. But it’s not, and you’re not, worth it. Funny, not only would you like to tell us how to give birth, but you’re also trying to tell us how to defend said birth choice to the likes of you. Reel it in baby.
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
I LOVE it.
Now you’re just spending a HELL of a lot of time to tell us that we’re not worth your time. That tactic is just tooooooo funny!
Oh-em-gee, I knoooow, that took sooooo much of my precious time to type…but hey, I love to entertain, so if it gave you a laugh, you’re welcome
I don’t understand why you would stare into space and think about how other women give birth. Elective means choice, and I believe in choice. I do what is right for myself and my baby and I would expect other women to do the same. It’s really not up to anyone to judge or second guess another parent. And the assumption that they schedule a c/s because just want to go to a party is so sanctimonious. I agree it’s not wise to deliver a baby before 39 weeks as ACOG says but quite frankly,if a mother feels she wants a c/s rather than go through labor it’s not anyone’s business.
You know why I think some people get so defensive when someone writes a post regarding a decision they made? Because deep down they know it was a selfish decision. C-sections were meant to save lives, but they’ve become a way to just make things “easier”. Sure, you’re body, you’re choice, but what about the risks to the baby? What about the baby’s body? Is it worth it? Your body will go into labor when the baby is ready… why cut the baby out if it’s not ready yet? Why choose to have a major surgery, when you could wait another week… or perhaps just a few days, and give birth the way nature intended? Why get so upset at a blogger for writing about something she’s passionate about… unless, on some level, you know she’s right. If you felt judged by this, maybe it’s because you realize your reasons were selfish.
Well put! I had a medically necessary c-section with my daughter, then 18 months later had a successful VBAC with my son. I was in labor for an exhausting and painful 36 hours, and still would do it over a c-section any day of the week if I could.
I updated my post at bottom. I am sorry you are all feeling this way. I feel like a lot of you are making this about you when it’s not.
Please don’t apologize for your post Michele. You did NOTHING wrong. You stated your opinion, which is the POINT of blogging in the first place. And? IMHO? It is selfish and dangerous to cut your baby out of your body on a whim. Elective, non-medical, no reason other than convenience c-sections are dangerous and selfish. OF COURSE people are getting defensive. No one likes it when someone tells them what they did may have been wrong.
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Yes and when you state an opinion that is offensive you also have to be woman enough to take the flack for it.
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I am more than woman enough to take it. I have mad love for those who give birth. Comment how much you hate what I have to say all you want.
“Some women recover from their surgery within a matter of hours” ?? There is no way ANY woman or man even can recover from a major surgery in a matter of hours. And, OMG people, this was meant to be a humor piece. Get over yourselves.
http://dailymomtra.com/2011/05/27/no-high-five-for-sy-parenting-choices-thankyouverymuch/
Dear people who feel the need to defend their purely elective c-section- read ^^ that link. Own the fact that you made a selfish choice that was not in the best interest for the health of your child, and MOVE-ON instead of trying to attack people who are rightly trying to discourage said selfish choice.
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My favorite part of the comments on here is “some women just don’t want THEIR bodies to experience labour”.
I think Michelle agrees with you that it’s a selfish decision, she just doesn’t want you judging her for it.
Oh Lea, THANK YOU!!! See, I was trying to work out how to say it’s a selfish choice, but it just came out all wrong-like. Sister, it’s so nice of you to read my response saying I DON”T think it’s selfish, and see deep down into my soul and realise that instead of coming on here and kissing the NCB movement’s ass and toeing the new ‘trendy’ line that women must pretend they are not living in a first world country when it comes to giving birth in the way they feel is safest and best for them and their babies, I came on here and disagreed, sharing how and why I did so, as a clever ruse to invite further insults from arrogant women like you. That took some seriously talented word gymnastics
I’m that mom you so despise- one that asked for an elective CS. I love how you characterize all of us as selfish, even though you know nothing about us, and nothing about elective CS. Did you know Cs is safer for the baby than a VB, and only slightly more dangerous for a healthy mom? Or did you forget this in your rush to judgement?
People like you deny the risks of vaginal birth, of which there are are many. I don’t see why wanting to avoid the pain of labor and delivery, and the uncertainty and risk, is so wrong anyway. I have friends that never got back to normal after bad tears, had their sexual satisfaction harmed (but womens sexual wants don’t count, right?), nasty incontinence issues, and who needed many surgeries to fix prolapses and other issues. And don’t forget about sexual abuse victims- or are they are so selfish for not being up to reliving that trauma?
Personally, I have had surgery, and much preferred the recovery from a CS to the possible destruction of my vagina, and the pain that goes with it. Im healthy, so the risk was minimal. If that’s selfish to you, so be it. I knew my son was going to be big with a huge head, as my entire family has this issue, my sisters baby got stuck, as did I as a babe. I wanted to avoid a long labor and emergency Cs if I could.
Sadly, my OB talked me into doing a TOL (trial of labor) that I didn’t want, because he thought a Vb would be easier for me. I didn’t want to do it, but I trusted him, so I did it. After a 36 hour labor and 4+ hours of pushing, I got my Cs. Turned out his head wouldn’t fit. Even at full dilation and effacement, he never even engaged. Shocker. And even though the long labor made it worse than it needed to be, the CS went GREAT. I was out doing errands in 5 days, back to pre pregnancy activity in 2 weeks. My OB did apologize for not doing the elective CS……
My only regret is that I didn’t stand firm and reject the TOL. I could have avoided a long, tiring, labor. Thankfully, I won’t have this problem with my current pregnancy, no one will fight me for wanting an ECRS.
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
“Did you know Cs is safer for the baby than a VB, and only slightly more dangerous for a healthy mom?”
Girl, you so CRAZY!
But seriously, that’s so frighteningly wrong I don’t even know where to begin. And by the way, unlike your stomach, babies are designed to come out of your vagina. It heals itself. Your stomach can only try to heal, but always scars.
That is actually true. C-section has much less risk for baby. The mother takes on the extra risk in that case. Vaginal birth is more risky for baby and safer for mother. It’s common knowledge– you can find it at ACOG, WHO…..
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That is actually true. C-section has much less risk for baby. The mother takes on the extra risk in that case. Vaginal birth is more risky for baby and safer for mother. It\’s common knowledge– you can find it at ACOG, WHO…..
And WHO doesn’t say c-section is safer than vaginal for typical births. For a complication or issue, yes a c-section is sometimes the safer way for a child (or children in cases of multiples) to be born. But that’s not at all what is discussed here. Why would an unnatural way of birth be safer than a natural way for typical deliveries? The ACOG says that a c-section should be only for medical reasons. One state in the US even went so far as banning elective c-sections prior to 39 unless there was an emergency. http://thestir.cafemom.com/pregnancy/124642/state_bans_elective_inductions_and
If you have some other info from WHO and ACOG that contradicts what I said, please share and so you can school me in that matter. But everything I have read does not support your claim.
You do realize that “elective” just means “planned” in medical speak? I don’t know who these women are who are having c-sections just to go to parties (?) The term for a no-medical-reason c-section is “patient choice cesarean.” You’re welcome.
Wowza! It’s really none of your business what agreement a doctor and woman come to. I’ve never had a c-section and you’ve offended me. Perhaps certian opinions are best kept to yourself. All this flack you are getting is certianly deserved.
Judge me all you want. Give me the flack. It’s my blog! I am so woman enough to take it. Roooooaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Michele dear, this was a clever and thoughtful piece. You were musing– thinking out loud. When writing like this rubs us the wrong way or upsets us, it’s up to us to look at that irritation and figure out what it’s about. It’s an opportunity for us– even a sort of gift. You did that.
Sounds like there is just a lot of misinformation out there. It’s sad. It’s just sad. It causes women to not trust in their bodies, in their instincts. Birth doesn’t tear up your vagina any more than eating tears up your esophagus… except when there is a big problem. In the vast majority of all cases, allowing your body to go into labor at its own pace means you won’t end up with a big problem. There are exceptions, of course, and for this most of us are grateful we have the medical community. The rest of the time, though, many of us are not so grateful to the medical community for yanking our birth process into their fear-driven arena.
Keep staring and thinking!!
Thanks Kathleen for your really thoughtful response. Got a lot of love for you! Actually for all who commented because it’s us all talking and thinking about an important topic. No matter if you agree with me or not.