What is Attachment Parenting? Right now, AP has become more widely known, more vocal, and is somewhat ‘trendy’. The unfortunate misconception is that AP parenting is only for infants and toddlers. After all, the most heard about AP practices involve things like breastfeeding, baby-wearing, and co-sleeping! And as much as we love them, after a certain age our baby out grows them.
What is a mom to do when her child is past this stage? Can she no longer AP parent? Is that it, the end, good-bye, fare-well? Happily, no.
My oldest son (hence forth referred to as “E”) is no longer an infant. He has transitioned to his own room, he no longer breastfeeds (story for another time), and I would topple over if I tried to ‘wear’ him. He is such a big boy now, that yesterday, he started preschool! He had been begging me for awhile, but life happened and he didn’t get the opportunity to go. He was sad, but looked forward to turning 4 which is when, I assured him, he would indeed get to go. Fortunately life circumstances changed and we were able to enroll him earl. E was ecstatic. He was thrilled!
When I walked him to the door, I expected some nervousness, some trepidation on his part. Boy, was I wrong! E took off like a shot and before I could utter the words ‘Good Bye! I love you!’ he was completely and totally immersed in play. I tried to grab his attention a few times, thinking I could perhaps get a hug or something, but E waved happily and ‘buh-byed’ me until I decided that he was, indeed, doing great and he certainly didn’t need me there. He came home ready to share what a fun and excitement he had had, brimming with joy. It had been wonderful- for him.
That was the thing. I was nervous. I had the jitters. I was the one who was not so sure that I was ready to let go. A teeny tiny part of me wanted him to grab on to me and say ‘Oh mommy! Please stay!’ The fears the insecurities- they were all mine. I could have let them inhibit me. I could have done what part of me wanted. I could have decided to not enroll him yet, I could have held him back.
But that wouldn’t have been very AP of me. The thing is, AP isn’t really about extended breast feeding, or co-sleeping. Yes, those actions do fall under what AP is, but only because of WHY you do them. Attachment parenting is about understanding your child’s needs, knowing when they are ready for new things, being there and supporting them through their new experiences. It’s not about being glued to them, or having them move at your pace. It’s about respecting them as an individual. Sometimes, like yesterday, it’s about letting go.
What has been the biggest challenge for you while AP parenting an older child? How do you work Attachment parenting into an infant/toddler free home?
Tags: AP older kids, ap parenting, attachment parenting, attachment parenting and older children, starting school
I was just wondering today how I’m going to handle things as my little boy gets older..he’s already doing little things to assert his independence..I think I’ll remembe this article when h starts making bigger waves! Thanks!