Now-jailed activist Zhao Lianhai (middle) and other parents of babies injured or killed by melamine-formula.
Long ago, though I won’t say HOW long, I was in middle school. I wasn’t even sure I liked boys, and I didn’t want kids at all. In fact, I promised my uterus to my gay friend Sam, as I swore I’d never use it (Samir, you can still have it, but now it’s a little used).
When I met the guy who’s now my husband, I realized I did want kids. And with him.
So how do you go from potential lesbian, forever child-free future to major loud mouth auto-didactic child health activist?
Trial and error. By making mistakes.
Often people ask why people care. Why do I care about getting out good breastfeeding information? Why do I care how you buckle your kid in the car? Why do I care what you do during your birth? Because I wish someone had cared before me, so I didn’t have to go through what I did.
In almost every activist is someone who has had issues or scares in the places they speak against the most. When I talk about car seat safety, not only is it because my once-hospital-nurse-mother ingrained seat belt usage and dangers of accidents into my head, but because a girl in my middle school died by being decapitated by the windshield she flew threw, and because I broke a window with my head and continue to struggle with physical problems and will for the rest of my life from a car accident.
Why do I care why you buckle your child in? Because I’ve actually been there. I’ve actually been in a car accident, suffered from it, and don’t want your child to. Because I realize how even minor accidents can cause lasting pain. Because I realize how severe accidents can do more damage than most people can imagine that last a lifetime. Because I care about children… and other than when a mom takes offense to help, NORMALLY caring about children is considered to be an amiable trait. I care when I see your child buckled in wrong because I used to buckle Rowan in wrong, and realizing that scares the crap out of me, because if we had been in an accident, he could have been seriously hurt. I wish someone had told me how to fix it. I am only LUCKY that we never got into a bad accident with him strapped in wrong and my ignorance resulted in his death. So forgive me, but I don’t wish your child injury, so I want you to know you’re doing it wrong.
The Kyle David Miller Foundation is a leader in car seat safety advocacy… because the mother lost her child. I can promise you she wishes she’d had someone step in and teach her more about car seat safety before her child died.
Why do I care if you breastfeed? Because it’s hard, that’s why. Because there is so much to know, so much to learn, so much to get through, so many obstacles, especially societal and cultural, that stand in your way. There is so much misinformation, and the risks of formula are so insanely downplayed at risk of hurting someone’s feelings that women honestly aren’t making an informed decision, even when they think they are. Did you know the CDC and the WHO can’t even agree on how to mix powdered formula, because you have two options: #1. boil water and kill dangerous bacteria and nutrients in the formula or #2. maintain the nutrient count but risk your child’s health or even life with a deadly bacteria. Because I care about children, I care that they are fed in the safest manner, which is breastfeeding. Because studies show that formula fed babies are at risk for many more problems, no matter how much formula companies and often formula-feeding moms try to convince you (and themselves) that there’s little to no difference, it’s not true. Formula is an amazing, life-saving nourishment for babies… when breastmilk is not available. I had so, so many things thrown in my path, from the nurse in the hospital who never let me feed Rowan until I’d pumped colostrum to prove to her I could that was fed to him with a spoon, to the MANY bottles of ready-to-feed formula we were “gifted” with, even in the specialty children’s hospital, to the doctor who tried to schedule Rowan’s feedings to every three hours. I certainly understand how many things stand in a mom’s way. I have learned so much over the years, and I want you to know what I know, because I don’t want you to struggle. I want to help you remove so many of the barriers that I had to overcome, without you having to learn the hard way.
Zhao Lianhai, if you’ve followed his story, is an activist because his child suffered irreparable kidney damage from a knowingly-contaminated formula. I can guarantee he wishes someone had protected his child, even if it meant telling him how dangerous it could be.
I could keep going, I could go into birth explanations, but it all boils down to this: people become activists not because they woke up one day and decided to be an asshole or loudmouth. Something happens in their life that shows them that there is a specific need for more support, more information, more action in a certain area.
Even if “Why do YOU care what I do with MY child?” seems like a good retort, it’s really rather ridiculous, as caring about children and being an advocate for their health is an amiable trait, not one that should be shot down because of “parental choice.” Parents choose to do lots of things, but that doesn’t mean they’re all right or okay or healthy.
Before insulting someone or being offended by their passion, maybe you could do what activists are so often told to do, which is find out their story. Because most people start out not caring at all… but something happens that shows them someone needs to, and often, most often, it’s because they wish some activist had been there for them, and because they have something potentially life-saving to teach you, if you actually let down your guard long enough to listen.
Tags: advice, education, mothering, parenting choices, research
Thanks for writing this. It really explains it perfectly.
Ditto. To all of it. I don’t talk about VBACs because I think I birthed better than someone else. It’s because I want to help someone the way I wished someone had helped me. What I wouldn’t have given for a version of me back when I was struggling. If I can be that for one other person (and I have been – to MANY) then my suffering was not in vain.
Twitter: RanaAurora
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Absolutely. If I could go back and give myself advice, I am also glad to know that I WOULD HAVE TAKEN IT. I’ve been open to correction through my whole parenting “career” and that’s why I’ve come as far as I have.
When someone told me feeding Rowan, at seven months old, HOT DOGS, was a bad idea and unhealthy, I listened. And now even knowing I did that and didn’t realize immediately how gross and dangerous that was is almost embarrassing. I’m so grateful that rather than yelling, “It’s MY kid, leave me alone!” that I stopped what I was going and learned, rather than pushing on with my bad choice, almost more out of spite than because I thought it was a good idea.
I wish people just automatically understood this. Thank you for writing it, Christie. Wonderfully written.
As usual you’re spot on Christie – like the pp I wish more people understood this point. Some of the most amazing campaigners have been through some of the hardest stuff, and are acting from a place of concern and love. It’s not about bullying – it’s about ‘don’t let what happened to me happen to you’. x
I think this is one of my favorite posts yet, which is really hard to say, because you’ve written a lot of posts that I can relate too.
Every word you stated here is true and worded beautifully. It’s everything I have been feeling and saying, but worded exactly the perfect way.
I shared your post with this comment, which was a run off with the title:
Activism isn’t about being better than you, it’s about you doing things better than me. The easier way and the way it’s supposed to be for a new Mother/family – with support.
Thank you very much for this post.
Twitter: RanaAurora
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Thank you so much!
I’m checking out your blog now and loving what I’m seeing.
Wow thank you for the compliment and the time you spent reading. Let me know what one is your favorite.
Oh man, this is so true! I can’t even count the number of times people have used that line – it’s MY kid. But it’s OUR future. Great article!
Twitter: RanaAurora
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Right! What happens to children in this country should be of everyone’s concern! If people never cared about OTHER children, CPS wouldn’t even exist, and there would be a lot of dead children, starving children.
Yes, there is an allowance for variances in parenting styles, but there is also a cultural responsibility to try to promote the most beneficial future for our children, who will inherit everything we all have now.
If the Baby Boomer generation, in all of their health problems, hasn’t learned already that culturally-accepted “truths” can be really damaging to a generation as a whole on a wide scale, then they’ll NEVER learn.
So clearly understood! Bravo!
Great article! I did want to make one small correction: The FDA has repeatedly stated that boiling water does not kill certain bacteria, such as e. sakazakii, and is therefore not required, or even useful. This is why they only supply liquid formula in NICUs – formula powder is not inherently sterile, and there is no possible way to make it so.
Twitter: RanaAurora
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Really! Do you have a link? All I know is what their small page on the different types of formula says. I’d never seen anything stating that even boiling water didn’t kill it! That’s scary.
just boiling water and mixing it with the powder doesn’t really kill germs that are in the powder, only in the water. To kill germs in the powdered formula you need to mix the powder with the water and boil that, put it into sterilized bottles, and then let it cool. Or put the mixture into the sealed bottles (glass) and boil the sealed bottles in water for 25 minutes (what the old baby care books called terminal sterilization). But that will destroy much of the vitamin C and some of the B vitamins (folic acid and B6).
breast is best. even pasteurized bottle fed breast milk is better than the best formula.
Twitter: RanaAurora
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Yes, on pasteurized breastmilk from a donor being better but on the mixing of formula? Not quite, Alicia. The FDA states (http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ConsumerUpdates/ucm048694.htm) :
According to the World Health Organization, recent studies suggest that mixing powdered formula with water at a temperature of at least 70 degree C—158 degrees F—creates a high probability that the formula will not contain the bacterium Enterobacter sakazakii—a rare cause of bloodstream and central nervous system infections. Remember that formula made with hot water needs to be cooled quickly to body temperature—about 98 degrees F—if it is being fed to the baby immediately.
Yes, heating it like this does kill some nutrients, which is why this method is controversial and NOT supported by the CDC. But you do boil the water, then add it, not the other way around.
Great post Christie. As I’ve said, I will never understand how or why people get offended by information. Especially when that information is presented in a factual manor without criticism or judgment.
And for anyone who thinks “Why do YOU care what I do with MY child?” is a good retort, I ask… Why don’t YOU care?
I breastfeed, I keep my two kids rear-facing LONG after it’s required, I wear my baby as much as possible, and I co-sleep safely. BUT I had two birth experiences that I totally loved, that included epidurals.
So I agree with a lot – but not all – of what was said here. But just because someone doesn’t make the same choice as you doesn’t mean they’re not informed or don’t care.
Saying something like that will only make you look like an ass and you will not change a single mind. You will only make people roll their eyes and HATE people who are busybodies.
If you want to change hearts and minds share your story and your reasons. If people ask why you care, explain the studies you’ve read or people who’ve been injured or had bad experiences doing stuff the other way. Do NOT say, “why don’t you.” Seriously. That is so rude.
So well stated! So well related!!! I have dreamed of being a writer. But I am not in the position to follow that dream as of yet. This is a topic that I have dealt with personally and you have captured my thoughts perfectly. It almost feels like I wrote this in my dreams…
Thanks for speaking for so many of us who are not able♥
You rock Christie!!!!!!
Great post. I think the other side of this is that there are activists that DID have someone step in and help them or inform them. I know I did with issues like breastfeeding, and knowing that it made all the difference in the world for my own positive outcomes has made me less able to keep my mouth shut when presented with someone in the same position I was in.
Thanks for helping me to feel more confident in sharing what I’ve learned from others and continuing to spread the good knowledge.
Twitter: RanaAurora
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Absolutely. There are certainly women who are activists because they realize what others helped them avoid! I think my breastfeeding experience can certainly follow that path… while I lament Rowan’s first few months and my lack of knowledge, it was the women who helped me prevent worse that really got me on the right track and made me realize how much their help mattered.
Thanks for the input!
Thank you.
I am an advocate for babies: For their birth as naturally as possible, for their consciousness and awareness even prenatally, for reducing the stress level of their mothers, for teaching compassion, for seeking healing.
You said it well.
Thank you! I often offer similar help to other women/mothers and so often is it shot down or people take offense. Even my best friend gets insecure and acts like I’m attacking her. I don’t have kids and I will one day. I’m tired of the phrase, “You just don’t know how hard it is until you have kids,” or “Just wait til you have kids, your philosophy will change.” It won’t change and I’m going to be the very best mother I can possibly be. The idea is to uplift and empower women, not tell them what to do.
I agree with you 100%, and this post is beautifully written.
I occasionally find a personal struggle between activism and keeping my mouth shut, and that is because I have been a very judgmental person in times of my life, and have found that pointing out wrongs in other people’s lives in an effort to ‘help’ was actually doing more harm than good.
When I finally realized that (in large part because I ended up being on the other side with close friends judging me extremely harshly without knowing my entire story – telling me exactly what they thought of me and how I should change blah, blah) anyway, it was quite the revelation.
Many of us think we know better. Many of us truly DO know better (particularly through the experiences you’ve mentioned of why people become activists). But I really feel that there is a fine line between getting people to come to your side and pushing them away even further, and a lot of that is in the way you express your activism. I’ve found again and again that loving support – even given to someone you completely disagree with – is often incredibly more effective than pointing fingers, calling out, and telling people straight up that you think they’re wrong.
And it’s a fine line – obviously with something like the car seat, the safety of a child depends on it, and I would certainly rather have someone tell me if I was doing it wrong (in a loving way, of course, rather than a ‘you’re just stupid’ kind of way
.
With breastfeeding in particular, I believe mistakes have often been made by the ‘lactivists’. I’ve felt that judgment, and in some ways I’ve felt it actually pushed me more strongly toward feeding my baby formula – it was too much un-loving pressure that I couldn’t stand up under. And I don’t place all of the blame there – there were other factors and I made mistakes and wasn’t educated enough – I know I will do better next time. And I’ve since discovered very ardent breastfeeding supporters who are willing and able to extend the hand of love to a formula feeder…but those weren’t the people who were standing out when I was first struggling – it was the judges whose voices were loudest.
All this to say…if you are an activist, take a moment to think about your delivery. Christie, I actually think you do very well with that – you have a gift of getting people to listen without alienating them – your words are real, not rude or superior.
But it worries me when people say things like: I can’t understand why people get offended by information, or whenever I try to help people get offended. It worries me because I was the person saying those things, and I know now that I did cause great harm.
If people are getting offended, they do not always deserve the blame. Is it possible that you could actually be the one causing offense? (rather than placing the blame on everyone around you just being overly sensitive?)
Be an activist – absolutely. Be passionate – absolutely. But think about what you would truly want if you were in that situation, and try to offer the help and advice that people need – not the help and advice that you feel is your duty to give to them.
Sorry for the long comment…it’s a subject I feel very strongly about…and again thank you for your post.
I agree with you 100%, and this post is beautifully written.
I occasionally find a personal struggle between activism and keeping my mouth shut, and that is because I have been a very judgmental person in times of my life, and have found that pointing out wrongs in other people\’s lives in an effort to \’help\’ was actually doing more harm than good.
When I finally realized that (in large part because I ended up being on the other side with close friends judging me extremely harshly without knowing my entire story – telling me exactly what they thought of me and how I should change blah, blah) anyway, it was quite the revelation.
Many of us think we know better. Many of us truly DO know better (particularly through the experiences you\’ve mentioned of why people become activists). But I really feel that there is a fine line between getting people to come to your side and pushing them away even further, and a lot of that is in the way you express your activism. I\’ve found again and again that loving support – even given to someone you completely disagree with – is often incredibly more effective than pointing fingers, calling out, and telling people straight up that you think they\’re wrong.
And it\’s a fine line – obviously with something like the car seat, the safety of a child depends on it, and I would certainly rather have someone tell me if I was doing it wrong (in a loving way, of course, rather than a \’you\’re just stupid\’ kind of way
.
With breastfeeding in particular, I believe mistakes have often been made by the \’lactivists\’. I\’ve felt that judgment, and in some ways I\’ve felt it actually pushed me more strongly toward feeding my baby formula – it was too much un-loving pressure that I couldn\’t stand up under. And I don\’t place all of the blame there – there were other factors and I made mistakes and wasn\’t educated enough – I know I will do better next time. And I\’ve since discovered very ardent breastfeeding supporters who are willing and able to extend the hand of love to a formula feeder…but those weren\’t the people who were standing out when I was first struggling – it was the judges whose voices were loudest.
All this to say…if you are an activist, take a moment to think about your delivery. Christie, I actually think you do very well with that – you have a gift of getting people to listen without alienating them – your words are real, not rude or superior.
But it worries me when people say things like: I can\’t understand why people get offended by information, or whenever I try to help people get offended. It worries me because I was the person saying those things, and I know now that I did cause great harm.
If people are getting offended, they do not always deserve the blame. Is it possible that you could actually be the one causing offense? (rather than placing the blame on everyone around you just being overly sensitive?)
Be an activist – absolutely. Be passionate – absolutely. But think about what you would truly want if you were in that situation, and try to offer the help and advice that people need – not the help and advice that you feel is your duty to give to them.
Sorry for the long comment…it’s a subject I feel very strongly about…and again thank you for your post.
hmmm…don’t know why that posted twice…
Excellent post.
When I was pregnant I posted in a community and mentioned wanting a two-bedroom apartment so the baby had her own room to “cry it out” if necessary. People jumped all over me! Well I didn’t know that “cry it out” was an official sleep training method… and a bad one at that, with long-term consequences. I did more research, learned a lot about attachment principles and sleep development in infants, and easily recovered from the internet snark I endured. I’m glad people jumped on me in that post, it made me a better future mom.
I understand what you are trying to say, however what happens is most self proclaimed “activists” turn off the rest by their approach. Instead of providing information, it is presented in the “if you don’t do it this way, you’re wrong, you’re a bad parent, you’re lazy and you’re selfish.” That is extremely condescending and rude. Also, my experience with lactivists, ERFer’s and the like have been that you (in general) REFUSE to see the otherside of the coin or even take into account that there are MANY circumstances that weigh heavily in to why someone else made a differing choice and is unlikely to change their mind. Activists would do better to present their views to those who have yet to MAKE a choice than cut down and shove the “you’re doing it wrong” to those who’ve already made a choice.
Wow…people are entitled to their own opinions but don’t blast those that don’t follow your path…I have two daughters that have been formula fed since birth and both of them are perfect. By the way, they both sleep in their own beds too:) To each their own but not every baby that is formula fed turns out awful nor does every baby that breast feeds turn out perfect. Either way, glad it works for you but our path works just as good for us and our children haven’t suffered from it one bit.
P.S. Me and my wife have a wonderful relationship because of not allowing our kids to sleep with us:)
Twitter: RanaAurora
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Mr. Knowledge… well… I’m just going to say you might choose a more fitting handle in the future?
I might change my handle but then I wouldn’t be telling the truth. Just because I don’t choose your path doesn’t make me dumb. I have knowledge of both paths but chose different. I didn’t judge anyone in here but instead showed that the other path isn’t all that bad. I didn’t condemn anyone for their choices or say that it was do or die for mine. I at first wanted my wife to breast feed but she felt different. I allowed her to make her choice with her own body. We checked out the formulas and chose one that didn’t have “side effects” or would be “harmful” for either of our daughters. One of them is almost 4 now and is far ahead of those that are her age. My other just turned 1 and she is following the same path as her big sister. I post my handle as Mr. Knowledge because me and my wife checked both options…that is all.
Twitter: RanaAurora
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The point is, you used the “my kids were formula fed since birth and they’re fine” and “not all breastfed kids are perfect and lots of formula kids are fine” arguments… which are so, so overdone and honestly are just paper tigers. There’s no substance.
I’m just going to assume you don’t agree with this blog, haven’t read much of it, and therefore aren’t familiar with the fact that you’re one of millions to use those arguments, despite the fact that all science… and, um, medical KNOWLEDGE, disagrees with you.
It’s great your children are fine or even advanced, but they’re “fine” despite being formula fed since birth, not because of, and there IS no formula without side affects or one that isn’t harmful, compared to being breastfed. The fact is, not being breastfed alone increases their risks of many cancers, diabetes, illnesses, and even increases your WIFE’S risks of type II diabetes and various cancers. If she CANNOT breastfeed, I’m sorry for her. Honestly, I would be HEARTBROKEN and sick to my stomach if I became unable to breastfeed. If she CHOSE not to, and you suggest you’re incredibly informed, I’m sorry but I just can’t understand your choice, if it IS as educated as you claim, but from what you’ve said, it’s not.
And your comment about co-sleeping intentionally implied that people who co-sleep damage their marriage, which is also untrue.
So again, I find that implying you’re a source of knowledge is inaccurate. I never said you were dumb.
Yes, i’m against the blog only because it’s narrow minded enough to believe that there is only one way to do things and not because of the whole breast feeding side of it. To say that my thoughts have “no substance”…I read this entire article and all I seem to see is comments of science proves this and that but have yet to see the scientific articles claiming that formula is a terrible thing on here. I know full well what breastfeeding is capable of and i’ve done my homework on more than just a few formula’s that truly are bad. There are a wide variety of formula’s out there but it seems that the only ones that are in this sore subject are the ones that do create issues. Again, what substance do I need when my kids have been raised the opposite of what this article states and are perfect? If your kids grow up fine your way then that is great, i’m not down playing it…i’m only down playing the whole my way or the highway attitude that is displayed in this article.
P.S. One day this earth will pass away but I know where my eternity and my families eternity will be spent. Do you?
Twitter: RanaAurora
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BWA HAH HAH! OMG. Really? Wow. Thank you for the morning laugh. I SERIOUSLY needed that.
Mr. Knowledge, you are quite amusing. Please do share with us the research you have showing that your chosen formula is risk-free compared with breastmilk. I’ll make it easy for you: please just cite a well-designed (17 babies won’t do it) study demonstrating that your formula doesn’t increase the risk of SIDS. Because all the research I’ve seen indicates formula feeding of any kind increases the risk of SIDS by as much as 100%. (E.g., http://www.child-psych.org/2009/04/breastfedding-may-lower-risk-of-sudden.html)
The reason your thoughts are called insubstantial is that those of us in the reality-based community like to use something called “evidence” on which to base our conclusions. Something that happened to drift through your cerebral cortex is a bit less convincing than a study specifically designed to limit human perceptual foibles to the greatest degree possible.
And yes, I do know where my eternity and my family’s will be spent. Just like you, we will decompose into our constituent elements. Have a nice day!
Mr. Knowledge. Where did you get your knowledge? This blog DOES link to science. I haven’t seen you link to anything except how “perfect” your kids are. Any idiot knows that isn’t science. All formula has potential risks and side effects. How do you not know this? I am currently a formula feeding mom. Breastmilk is better than formula. Formula is not digested as well as breastmilk. I use donor milk when I can, but formula is better than nothing. Anything is better than nothing. But breastmilk is always better than formula.
What formula are you using that yoi seriously think its the same as breastmilk? Or are you just trolling? Thanks for the laugh, either way. I love reading people trying to disprove science with anecdotes about their own children or “everybody they know.” Provide us with one scource. This blog has. Maybe not in this article, but read a few.
My husband and I have an excellent relationship. It has nothing to do with where our babies sleep. We make intentional choices together, and know that a great relationship hinges on so much more than where people spend their unconscious nighttime hours.
Mr. Knowledge. Where did you get your knowledge? This blog DOES link to science. I haven\’t seen you link to anything except how \"perfect\" your kids are. Any idiot knows that isn\’t science. All formula has potential risks and side effects. How do you not know this? I am currently a formula feeding mom. Breastmilk is better than formula. Formula is not digested as well as breastmilk. I use donor milk when I can, but formula is better than nothing. Anything is better than nothing. But breastmilk is always better than formula.
What formula are you using that yoi seriously think its the same as breastmilk? Or are you just trolling? Thanks for the laugh, either way. I love reading people trying to disprove science with anecdotes about their own children or \"everybody they know.\" Provide us with one scource. This blog has. Maybe not in this article, but read a few.
My husband and I have an excellent relationship. It has nothing to do with where our babies sleep. We make intentional choices together, and know that a great relationship hinges on so much more than where people spend their unconscious nighttime hours.
i do know where we are spending eternity. I would prefer to make safe choices to keep my kids on earth longer.
Dear Mr. Knowledge,
Your screen name is very appropriate, and I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way. You know the truth. When intelligent people exercise common sense in doing research, they do not choose formula when human milk is an option. Most parents who choose formula, use the milk-based variety, and the main ingredients of those formulas include corn syrup and vegetable oil. The milk base in the formula is from cows. Mammals, including cows and humans, produce milk that is perfectly formulated for their young. In comparing the brain development and physical growth of a calf and a human baby, a preschooler would easily conclude that cow’s milk is not the ideal food for a human baby, without ANY scientific studies. My four-year-old also knows better than to eat anything with corn syrup and vegetable oils as the main ingredients. Basic common sense is all anyone really needs. The main feeling I get from your comments, is that you already knew (have knowledge!) breast milk was best, and your wife made a poor decision. Now you’re very defensive about it, and attack those who remind you that your children did not get the best. Perhaps you pushed these feelings into your subconscious, and they’re seeping out in a destructive, negative way. You’re projecting your anger, pain, and guilt onto very intelligent, educated, informed people writing blogs that remind you of your buried feelings. You want to put us down, so you don’t have to face the truth that your wife did not make the best decision. Every time one of your children gets sick for the rest of their lives, you will wonder if it could have been milder, or avoided altogether, had your wife made the better choice.
Now, on to more serious matters. Your suggestion that your family will be going to Heaven, and the author may be going to Hell, is not the sort of thing one says on the path to Heaven. You may want to consider repenting for such judgment, as well as the opinion that your children are “perfect.” Only God is perfect. I will pray that you find peace, acceptance, and forgive your wife.
1) I have no issues with my wife’s decision.
To all who are reading this blog. I apologize for any and all offense that has been taken. I only posted my thoughts on here because I disagreed. The fact that I am a man doesn’t help either since this is solely a woman based platform…or so i’ve read so far. Everyone is entitled to speak their own peace. I spoke mine. I still disagree with the whole breast milk is the only way which is what the author has made this seem like.
2) I didn’t say that the author would be going to hell.
3) There are so many formulas out there, where is the proof for all of them and not just say…half of them?
4) I’m not asking someone to repeat what they think but to physically post the actually scientific study on here.
5) I have no hidden emotions or agendas creating anger. I’m not even mad but more so amused at all of this.
6) I didn’t bash breast feeding babies at all. In fact I posted that it was good but was only defending those that chose not to. This blog literally puts those that chose not to breast feed down.
7) To the writer who wrote this. “And yes, I do know where my eternity and my family’s will be spent. Just like you, we will decompose into our constituent elements. Have a nice day!” I will be spending my eternity in Heaven with my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus!
9) Christie, glad I can make you laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. I’ve gotten my laughs as well.
10) Hope all of you live a long and wonderful life. God Bless!
“We interpret this result as a reflection of a reduction in risk, but technically we can’t tell with certainty if breastfeeding would directly lead to such reduction. This is therefore, very similar to a correlation, in that the findings do not imply causation”
That was at the end of this study which was listed by another poster here. That is the problem with all of this types of studies, they are observational. No one can say for sure that Breastfeeding is better then Formula feeding. Yes the studies lean that way and if you are in a developing country, without a clean water supply then Breast is more then likely best.
I am 100% in support of Breastfeeding if it is best for the individual family and I think it is simply logical that human babies should drink human milk. I also think that is so important to support a women who wants to breastfeed with every bit of help she can receive and I am grateful on behalf of these women that there are people who take the time to provide that much needed help. But I also believe that Breastfeeding is a medical decision. The gold standard of medical decisions is weighing the pros and cons to arrive at what is best for the patient.
We don’t start out endless articles about cancer with the automatic assumption “chemo is best,” do we? A patient evaluates what to do based on the input of doctors and independent research and goes from there. Whether that patient opts for chemo, or radiation, some combination of the two, or another treatment, they are doing what is “best” for them. And that’s not going to be the same as someone else. It is insensitive, arrogant and ignorant to assume otherwise! Not only does it completely fly in the face of established medical procedure, it completely invalidates the patient as a partner in his/her health.
Now look at breastfeeding. People make blanket assumptions–breast is best, breastmilk is greater than formula–even among people who admit that the science doesn’t show a causative relationship between breastmilk and good health or intelligence. Those assumptions, therefore, completely eliminate a woman’s choice in how she handles a **medical decision.** Before she has even had the chance to do anything, she is deemed incapable of properly weighing the pros and cons and must, by default, accept the way that BFing advocates who don’t even know her, weigh pros and cons.
And she is considered horribly ignorant if she does not accept this cookie-cutter pro/con analysis!
People seem to assumes some level of poor information on the part of FF moms, BFing advocates almost universally never assume that a FF mom DID receive proper information, weighed the pros and cons, and ultimately made a medical decision to go with formula, because formula was what she deemed truly **best,** not just a somewhat acceptable alternative. This is mind-bogglingly damaging to all women, not just formula-feeding moms.
Women already get the short end of the stick in medicine. Issues that largely affect women are automatically deemed “all in their heads” unless overwhelming evidence forces the powers that be (largely men, as there is still a glass ceiling at work here) to admit that yes, they are “real.” Examples are chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia. Medicine deemed women “hysterical” and brainless centuries ago and we’re still fighting that assumption. So what breastfeeding advocates or anyone who starts with “breastmilk is best” as their basis are actually doing is buying into these old notions and setting women back in the realm of medicine because they are perpetuating the belief that women are not capable of making a valid medical decision based on logic and reason.
That has all become a long post: sorry
Here are my basics. Do I it is important for mums to receive the help need to achieve there breastfeeding goals: yes. Do I think ‘Breast is best’ No – not for everyone. Do I think that lactivist should be using scary things like ‘if you formula feed your baby will be sick, dumb ect’ to promote breastfeeding. No. Do I think most Lactivist are doing a good job. Yes. Do I understand what religion has to do with bottle feeding or breastfeeding which Mr Knowleadged dragged into the converstation? No. Do I think a parent can look at all the information and make an informed decision that formula is best for THEIR family? Yes. Do I understand why formula feeding mums feel the need to defend themselves when people keep saying that you will not bond with your baby if you formula feed while she feels pure love for her baby? Yes. Do I understand why a formula feeding mum feels the need to defend her self when everyone keeps saying that formula fed children are sickly, stupid and anti-social children while she is looking at her beautiful, healthy, intelligent and well adjusted child. Yes? Do I understand why women who are only trying to help spread the message of breastfeeding and how wonderful it can be feel the need to defend themselves when they are called ridiculous names like Nipple Nazis? Yes – 100% Does breastfeeding make you a good mum? No. Does Bottlefeeding make you a bad mum? No. Does being compassionate, understanding and supportive of all women who are struggling with the emotional charged situation of trying to do the best they can for their family help spread your message better than trying to scare them or make them feel inferior because of there choices? Yes.
Am I pro-breastfeeding. No. Am I pro-bottle feeding? No. Am I pro – informed decision making for what is BEST for YOUR family. Yes.
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
Lisa, while I agree about unique situations, I feel that you SIGNIFICANTLY downplay the actually, solid causation NOT just correlation science that is out there. Every medical organization in the world has information on how not breastfeeding shows increased risk in many, MANY things. Heck, even just flat out death.
Just like your example, chemo? Formula is TOTALLY FANTASTIC when *breastfeeding is not available or possible* but there’s not reason to turn to it when breastmilk IS available and possible… just like you wouldn’t turn to chemo if you didn’t HAVE cancer. It was never intended to REPLACE breastmilk — only to be available when breastmilk wasn’t, whether that’s from a mom who is dead, on SERIOUS medications, undergoing *gasp* chemo, has mental trauma in her past she can’t get past, etc.
There are MANY reasons moms end up using formula, but if we’re being honest, when it comes to choice ONLY… there IS a right and wrong answer. Everyone woman who CAN breastfeed SHOULD — it’s just not possible that everyone can. And the risks aren’t debated. Check out the WHO’s information, for example.
“While breastfeeding may not seem the right choice for every parent, it is the best choice for every baby.” – Amy Spangler
“People need to understand that when they’re deciding between breastmilk and formula, they’re not deciding between Coke and Pepsi…. They’re choosing between a live, pure substance and a dead substance made with the cheapest oils available.” – Chele Marmet
“Women should not feel guilty if they are unable to breastfeed, but they should feel guilty if they are unwilling to do so, and they should be intellectually honest enough to know the difference.” — Elizabeth Gene
That last one especially is one of the most important parts of this discussion.
Thanks for your feedback Christine. I would love you to provide me with a study which shows solid causation NOT just correlation science.
I have looked at WHO’s review of the research conducted in 2007. When I looked at this, it concluded that the long-term gains of breastfeeding were mostly “relatively modest”, and also warned that because none of the studies it looked at dealt with the problem of confounding, the results could be explained by the “self-selection of breastfeeding mothers”.
As to your quotes there are a few I would like to share with you too.
“For all the benefits that are touted around breastfeeding, when you do a really good study, it’s very hard to find the tremendously powerful benefits that people have been claiming.” – Sydney Spiesel, clinical professor of paediatrics at Yale University’s School of Medicine.
‘The breastfeeding lobby is at war with the formula milk industry, and neither side is being very scientific … when it becomes a crusade, people are not very rational.” Michael Kramer, professor of paediatrics at McGill University, Montreal.He has advised the World Health Organisation, Unicef and the esteemed scientific body, the Cochrane Library, and been conducting research into the health effects of breastfeeding since 1978.
“I didn’t want to breastfed, I was pressured into breastfeeding because I didn’t want to be a bad mother and I knew the guilt would eat me up. So I did it, I hated every minute of it, I hated the feeling, I hated my baby for do it and I hated that I had no choice because if I didn’t, I deserved to feel guilty for not giving my baby the best.” Kathy, Mother of two – one breastfed baby (for 10 months) and one formula fed baby (from one week old.)
That last one especially is one of the most important parts of this discussion.
Making a mother so guilty that she has no choice but to breastfed even though she can not stand it (for what ever reason) and resents her baby because of it, to me, is just simply not the best for her or her baby. (unless of course if you can find me that study that shows, without confounding factors, that her breastfeeding will result in her baby being immune to SIDS, obesity, ear infections, etc)
I completely understand your passion in advocating breastfeeding and as I said earlier I am sure your passion has helped women to achieve their personal breastfeeding goals but as I am pretty sure that there is nothing I can say here that will sway your belief that women who chooses not to breastfeeding should deserve nothing but guilt, there is most likely nothing that you can say that will sway my belief that every woman, no matter how they feed their child deserves every bit of compassion and non-judgmental support that I can give her.
And that is OK too because that is one of the great part about being human beings, we have the right to have a difference in how we feel about things!
Only in America can we try to claim feeding a processed food to an infant is close enough to a whole food, and that there aren’t really any side effects.
I am not in America
I linked to this post here: http://whatmollythinks.blogspot.com/2011/06/when-you-know-better.html
Kelly – thank you for summarising my thoughts on this blog.
It is through experience that I have learnt what I believe is the most valuable lesson any ‘activist’ can, which is: “Unsolicited advice, no matter how correct or well meant, will rarely be received well”
Surely it is a sign of common decency and respect to each other that we ask whether another person would like some advice/an alternate opinion rather than forcing them to listen to ours?
Just saying
: )
Loved this blog, well written and expressed beautifully without judgement. Unfortunately in the politically correct society we live in today, people believe their “choice” is always right and therefore ignore evidence based studies on what is best for our children. Yes approach needs to be measured so as to not come across negative or condescending but nevertheless sometimes opinions need to be given even when unsolicited, otherwise how would we learn anything new/different/better if we go about our lives believing we know all and only want advice/information when we ask for it??? That seems illogical and pointless, how would we ever learn anything?? I will continue to be an “outspoken activist” on many topics and i believe i am always bettering my approach not to offend but if i do, so be it. I might not help you or change your mind but for every person who chooses to ignore my advice there are just as many who choose to listen.