Ladies, Please Meet Your Vagina

Okay pussy lovers, let’s talk about vaginas. If you’re a woman you have a vagina. And as much as some of us hate to admit it, we really don’t all know our vaginas as well as we should. We just don’t. She’s like our very very best friend, but the one we don’t introduce to everyone we meet. Heck, she’s even an inside girl, unlike her brother — penis — who is all about the external.

I’ll admit that I thought I knew everything about my vagina. I mean, I worked at Playgirl magazine for six years where I truly explored the depths of female sexuality and once you dip into the pleasures of the pink, there really is no turning back. It becomes something you always think about, perhaps even excessively. Everything is sex and pussy and penis and cock and vagina. And I do know a lot, but anyone who has half a brain knows that there is always more to learn. Always! Even about the little fur cup.

Oh the vagina. It really is a beautiful word, isn’t it? Vagina. I can almost understand moms wanting to name their daughters Vagina. Almost. DON’T!

When I went to Blogher over the summer and saw a pretty woman saying “Vagina! Vagina! Vagina!” every chance she got, I wondered about her. Who was this seemingly normal, adorably dressed woman whose lips love to utter the word for our lady parts? It was Lissa Rankin, a gynecologist, and she wrote a book that might as well be a love song to our pearls. I was intrigued!

Lissa’s people sent me her book, unaware of my secret interest in her, and as soon as I got it, I muff-dived in.

What’s Up Down There? Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend taught me things. Lots of things. Me! Ms. I Thought I Really Knew Myself Down There. I didn’t just learn about my own vaj, but some deep down fascinating facts about the poonany and the wild and crazy things that us women put our pussies through. Um … let’s just say some of us really need to respect our crumpet a wee bit more.

Vagina books written by gynecologists can be the most boring waste of trees and time out there. I know. My aforementioned job made it my business to read many of these books. Most of them (not all) are as dry as some vaginas the weeks (months!!) after child birth. (Ain’t that a bitch?!) But not Lissa’s — it’s juicy. It’s like lube, actually. Slick and exciting, eases you in smoothly, and allows you to really enjoy the time you spend exploring, diving in, penetrating the pages.

And the way the book is set up is pretty genius. Lissa (who I feel like I should be on a first name basis with because of the intimacy that just naturally comes along when opening up to discuss all that is the vagina) asked around and compiled the most asked questions involving our lady bits. This book answers them all. Even the one about the weirdest thing she ever discovered in a vagina, even the one about having diarrhea whenever you have your period, even the one about pierced nipples, even the one about waxing your box, even the one about anal, and bladder infections, and sex on the rag, and infertility, and pregnancy, and oh my god doulas and homebirths and child birth and menopause, and all the tiniest little details involving any of those things that you were totally afraid to ask anybody about like funky spunk and coochie perfume and is it normal is it normal???? She has it all covered and the way she covers it is in the most tangible way — it really is like she is talking to you. There is no dictionary you need to refer to in order to understand the medical term, she breaks it down for you.

I read it and laughed. I read it and said OHHHHHMYYYYWORD! I read it and thought … wow, really? I read it and scream THANK GOD I AM NORMAL!

And I love her for it.

Lissa is a powerful woman. All gynocologists are. I think that’s why a lot of women fear them. They know our vaginas better than we know our vaginas. Our vagina is their job. And that kind of blows my mind. Blows a lot of women’s mind (especially if a gyno is a man, and Lissa talks about that, too).

Thank you, Lissa, for believing that the G-spot is real and for loving doulas and midwives and for a fantastic read that I will be referring to again and again as my vagina gets old and saggy and presents new issues and questions and needs and wants. And I don’t have to clam up at my own OBGYN, I can refer to your words and feel better and then feel more comfortable about talking more openly with my own doctor … because although my yoni has lips, I still need to speak for her.

And thank god my hairy nipples are normal.

Have any burning questions about your vagina? And oh I hope it doesn’t involve burning!

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Tags: book review, education, gyno, gynocologist, Lissa Rankin, sex, vagina, vulva, What's Up Down There?, your body, your vagina