I tried the cry it out method last night. Actually, it tried me. I didn’t want my son to cry cry cry CRY Waaaaaaaaaa every hour, but his little cold, paired with a lot of teething made it a very trying night for all of us. Except his twin sister who slept through the whole thing. I tried everything, but Hunter just cried. In my arms. While nursing. In my husband’s arms. Standing. Sitting. Lying down. In the bedroom. His crib. My bed. Living room. Kitchen. Rocking. Standing still. Singing. Silence. Light. No light. We tried it all and nothing was working. It made me so sad to know that he was that unhappy that crying was all he could do. I know it’s not the same thing as CIO, but it gave me a taste.
When he finally went to sleep (or should I say nap since it was about two hours long), my husband and I tossed and turned expecting Hunter to cry again … until we both eventually passed out. And then it happened.
More crying. Louder now. Long, drawn out crying. But it wasn’t from Hunter.
It was the cat.
Exhausted and obviously not applying the NO CIO rule to felines, my husband and I ignored him. Both of us praying for the fur gods to make him stop. It was 4 a.m. — not time to eat. Not time to play. Time to sleep. And we didn’t know how much time we had considering we had a sick little man whose cold was preventing him from sleeping well.
Meow. Meow. MEOW. MEOW. Mrrrrmeow. Mrrrrrrrrrmowwwwwwww. Meow. Meow. Meow.
I seriously had thoughts that would make PETA petition for my stoning. How could Mr. Puffins do this to us? What is his problem? Can’t he understand that we are so tired and need to sleep?
No, he can’t.
And then I realized how cruel it is even to let my cat cry it out. It made me wish his vocal chords were removed with his balls. It made me wish I didn’t have him. Every meow pained me. This is not healthy. For me. Or for the cat. Is this what it’s like if you let your child cry it out? How can anyone deal with hearing the crying and not try to soothe? Or make sure there isn’t another issue. Crying produces cortisol, a stress hormone, and overproduction of cortisol can actually make a baby more irritable, cry even more. It can be a vicious cycle, and cortisol can be detrimental to your baby’s health — it can cause a heart arrhythmia or decrease oxygen to the brain.
Mr. Puffins, with his little pea brain, saw that whenever Hunter cries, we go to him. We soothe him. He gets to eat. And Mr. Puffins wanted the same attention — even pea brains have smarts. So even though it felt like torture to get out of my warm bed to give him a can of cat food when he really didn’t need it, I did it. And it wasn’t that bad. It was worse to listen to him cry. He ate and came back to bed a few minutes later, the soft sound of his purring put me back to sleep. I just hope I didn’t start a pattern. Slippery slope there with the cat.
I had heard about crying it out prior to becoming a mother. I didn’t get it. I thought, okay you let the baby cry, no big deal. But then I became a mother and heard my twins cry and my instinct was to go to my babies when they cried to make sure everything was okay. I don’t run in the room at every whimper, but I can tell when a cry is a cry. It’s dangerous for babies, yes, but it’s also bad for parents. Your stress level will go up from listening to your baby cry and not doing anything. Look at all the angst I felt for my cat … before I took care of his needs.
That’s what I wonder about CIO parents … what are they feeling when they let baby cry?
Tags: CIO, cry it out
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
Though this is likely to get me stoned, studies I’ve read and even my own personal experiences (not with CIO, but with colicly-times and even car-crying) show that ignoring cries actually begins to numb your reaction to them at ALL times — practicing CIO at night reduces your reaction to them during the day as well. This can even affect letdown, as you’re literally telling your maternal instincts that they’re wrong.
What are they thinking? I have no idea. The one time I tried it with Rowan, I bawled my eyes out. I can’t imagine telling myself that was the right thing to do.
That makes sense, Christie — the becoming numb to the reaction. I know I did it with my cat. But that’s my cat and not my baby. And it’s not that I don’t love the cat, I do, but oh … you know what I mean.
Twitter: RanaAurora
says:
I do. As much as you love your fur-babies, they just aren’t human (well, at least most people thing so… that post on The Stir… one of those comments freaked me out).
Your boss would understand “I was up all night with my baby” but not so much “I was up all night with my sad cat.”
Yeah, I don’t get it. I know many moms who say “I let my baby cry, I had to, and I just cried along with her.” Umm…that’s because you shouldn’t do that. Don’t let them CRY!!
Now I will let my son (who is still in my room) whine at night and ignore him. But he whines for a few seconds, waits. Whines. If he doesn’t stop I get him but all he ever wants is a hug (lol). Still, so different than letting a little baby cry to sleep! (My son is 15 months and can SEE ME when he is in his crib…he knows I’m there for him.)
Ugh. Don’t get it. And I think the “numb” thing is right too, then you’re making all your parenting decisions based on what you think is right based on YOUR needs, and not your child’s needs. Sad.
I found your blog via your guest post at Modern Alternative Mama. Loved it! You make a great point here. My cat-lover friend would kiss you if she read this. Thankfully my cat has never done this but if she did I now have a new perspective on what to do. It’s funny, I teach my kids about needing to respect the life of an animal (we don’t eat meat) but I hadn’t made the other connection yet. Thanks!
As for the parents who just let their kids cry for any and every reason, I can’t imagine what they’re thinking, except that maybe they’re not. A little boy near our town recently starved to death, so of course there would have been a lot of ignored crying! I think it must be drug abuse in such cases, or just pure evil!
Using CIO isn’t supposed to mean that you ignore all cries, though…just that you know your baby well enough to know WHICH cries to respond to. Our daughter has always been an excellent sleeper (12 consecutive hrs. a night since 4 months), so we knew if she actually cried (not whined or yelled) that it was a true need, such as teeth, earache, etc.
Unfortunately, at 18 months she has already figured out parental manipulation…she has realized which cry brings us, so she will actually cry sadly as if she’s hurting, and when we get in there, she goes, “Hi, mama!” very cheerfully, and wants to get out and play. When I’ve verified nothing’s actually wrong and leave, she screams bloody murder for about 10 seconds to one minute and then happily goes back to sleep. That’s a necessary case of “CIO”, as I’d actually be harming her by letting her lose sleep to get up and play, and my staying in there prolongs the issue. Very different than CIO for the purpose of, “I don’t feel like dealing with the baby right now”.
I have no idea how parents can let their children cry it out. I’ve read all the studies, know what the parenting experts say, etc. I KNOW that CIO is dangerous for babies, but aside from that I couldn’t listen to my baby cry. It was almost PHYSICALLY painful. I’m not sure how to describe it other than that. It was just so ingrained in me to soothe my child. I feel like ignoring natural, maternal instincts is probably a bad idea.
Absolutely! Crying is really normal especially for the babies but not too much. We all know that they cry when they feel discomfort or they feel asleep and hungry unless for some unnecessary reasons.
Ghena recently posted..puffy eyes and crying